For the first time today, I experienced a feeling I've only read about up until now~a character, inserting themselves into my head, popping into my subconscious while I'm clearing the kitchen after breakfast, peeking in as I'm putting on tennis shoes to go for a walk, interrupting me as I'm talking to my husband about plans for the day.
Where did she come from, this woman with slightly sad dark eyes and long auburn hair, streaked with gray? She smiles at me, but there is pain behind the smile, a sorrow that comes from unimaginable loss.
Last night I was thinking about a friend who lost her son to suicide about 18 months ago. I've written about Jeff and his impact on my life, and while I still think about him quite often, its his mother Vicky for whom I feel the pain. You see, Jeff got his wish, at least I'm supposing he did, awful as it seems to me. But Vicky ~ she's the one who lost so much, whose life he changed in an inalterable and cruel way.
This woman who keeps nagging my mind is not Vicky, but her pain seems somehow the same. There is an unmistable aura of it surrounding her, and I find myself thinking about some way to help her dispel this darkness that engulfs her.
I think there's a story here...a long one, perhaps even a book.